At camp, we talk explicitly about the buddy system with respect to swimming and canoeing, but it turns up more broadly across camp culture. This particular kind of friendship has moments where being seen and supported matter a lot, and both girls are freer to take growth opportunities because each knows she can depend on the other. It’s important to note that there’s a difference between “buddy” and “close friend,” although they can overlap.
The behavior is usually situation-specific but the feeling of having dependable allies at the ready is powerful when it becomes more ingrained.
One year, my 4 Mini Campers paired neatly into 2 “bestie” groups. One girl was very new to, and skittish about, showering, and daunted by the prospect of washing her hair. Free Swim bought her an extra day without a shower, but eventually the time had come. One of the other bestie pair, a veteran shower taker, offered to go back (after her own shower) and coach the newbie through it, checking that all the shampoo was rinsed out and handing her the towel if she got soap in her eyes. They both came back clean and proud, but the confidence went beyond the shower stall. It didn’t change the bestie pairing, but contributed to a norm of knowing you can count on your peers outside the “bestie” clique, for help when something is hard.
The campers see counselors do this all the time, and camp becomes a place where it’s normal to get help and to give help, unreservedly and without fuss or shame. Anybody and everybody will be your buddy when you need one, and in a typical day you will “buddy up” for someone, friend or not, Blue or Gray, no matter. Small things lead to big things: lend a poncho, “liberate” a daddy-long legs out of the tent, go with someone to the Infirmary, hug in the face of disappointment, etc. There are still close friend groups, to be sure, but since buddy behavior is so normal, it does not threaten their closeness, and the buddy norm can help them feel less exclusive and more porous.
Angela Duckworth says grit is not enough; you need to know when to call a buddy. In this New York Times article, she explores the importance of asking for help.
Our egos and our culture often make it hard to either ask for help or offer it in a graceful way. There is no simple fix for that, but I think at camp we experience a mini-society where the barriers come down and mutual awareness goes up. “Help your sister out” is the river current that flows through us. Living this way makes us believe more strongly that 1) help is at hand whenever we need it, and 2) our getting help is how it’s supposed to be, it’s the way the river flows. And it’s a kind of vaccination against cynicism and loneliness.
The confidence you gain in asking for and offering help at camp is a huge asset in college. You know how to be a dependable buddy, and how to ask for what you need. This might be one reason ‘Ghany girls seemingly transfer to a second college, or leave college to go back home, less often than the average. If you are comfortable inviting the most industrious note-taker in intro Bio to your test prep study session, or admitting you can’t figure out the dorm dryer, and so on, you can more quickly build the pieces of a life that works for you on campus. You’ll be willing to reach for something just outside the comfort zone, and of course that’s where all the growth is. And you’ll be quick to spot when someone else needs a little boost to get there with you.
People who live this way as great buddies attract other great buddies (see: Dolly Parton). At college and beyond, a great buddy can create that kind of camp ethos, maybe not in every classroom, study group, task force or board room, but more often than not.
